The powerful benefits of talking to strangers
Over the last year, I’ve spoken to over 100 strangers. It’s become one of my most rewarding hobbies. To follow are three of the most powerful benefits I’ve received from talking to strangers.
Decreased Social Anxiety
As a kid, I experienced a debilitating amount of fear from the mere prospect of talking to a stranger. Every summer, I’d refuse to purchase my own ice cream from a vendor at my community pool. Instead, I’d send my younger brother to get us both a snack (thanks Joey!).
I still get the occasional pit in my stomach before a party or grabbing lunch with a friend. However, I’ve noticed that I have significantly less social anxiety compared to when I started talking to strangers.
And, that’s in line with prevailing research.
A common treatment for social anxiety disorder, a chronic mental health condition in which social interactions cause irrational anxiety, is exposure therapy. Put simply, gradually immersing yourself in what you fear can lessen your negative thoughts, behaviors, and emotions about that fear.
Increased Energy
You might think that talking to strangers all day would be incredibly draining; however, I’d argue it’s quite energizing.
There’s something quite unique about overcoming social discomfort. That’s especially true when tens of people pass by you, stare at you, or chuckle at your expense every minute. When someone finally approaches you with openness and genuine curiosity, it’s a breath of fresh air and excitement.
Again, the research backs me up here.
Across a variety of studies, researchers “have shown that talking with strangers can make us happier, more connected to our communities, mentally sharper, healthier, less lonely, and more trustful and optimistic.”
Increased Optimism
Watching TV, scrolling social media, and reading the news all day is a surefire way of wrecking your optimism about the world. Unfortunately, humans are evolutionarily biased toward negativity, and stories that harp on this fact tend to be more salient.
One effective means of breaking your doomsday spiral is to talk to people that actually experience what you are reading, watching, or listening about.
I live in Washington DC, a town characterized by politics. From what you’ve heard, you might expect rampant protests, crime, and confrontation. People must hate each other, right?
In my experience, those narratives couldn’t be further from the truth, but people sure do assume they are true.
Last weekend, I stood on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial with a friend holding a sign reading “I’m revealing my biggest insecurity. Come listen and share.” I was surprised by the sheer quantity of strangers that came up to us asking if we were holding a politically charged sign.
Despite the initial hesitation, I found a lot of hope in the conversations that followed. Whether it was a group of Brazilian Seventh Day Adventists or a Jordan Peterson-obsessed lobbyist, everyone experienced similar insecurities, found joy from similar aspects of their life, and even had similar ambitions. Maybe we’d be better suited talking to those we hear about instead of internalizing the generalized narratives about them.
To review, talking to strangers has led to three powerful benefits in my life:
- Decreased social anxiety through increased exposure.
- Increased energy from the spontaneity of these interactions.
- Increased optimism from re-centering generalized narratives on actual lived experiences.
Inspired to talk to strangers? Here’s my recommendation:
- Purchase a large white poster board.
- Write your favorite thought-provoking line in big letters. Some good conversation starters include: “How are you feeling really?” “I’m revealing my biggest insecurity.” “If I were to pray for you, what would I pray for?”
- Find a high-traffic street corner or monument in your area.
- Plan around good weather. Plan to spend 2–3 hours outside.
- Convince a friend to join you in the experiment. That way, if it all goes to hell, at least you have someone to talk to.
- Let the conversations roll.
